What Happens After You're Tired
After you're tired, your mind wants to rid itself of the stimulus that tires it. Ordinarily, it is your work, your breakup, the tireless advice of people telling you to get it together. Maybe you have gotten it together somewhat, it's not enough. It never has been. So what do you do when you're tired -- you move away from it. Sitcoms or cop dramas are a good way to distract yourself. If you constantly see an LA cop being on the verge of an anxiety attack or right on the brink of death, you find a weird release. Since the escapism is shot that well, you escape into it. You don't have to go through the pain of sitting with yourself, confronting your failures that constantly show up in your mind, you disappointed her, you weren't enough for her, she didn't understand how dreadful you are and she didn't stay until you weren't. All well and good. So what do you do when you're done with your daily KPIs, your daily cooking, your daily dose of socialization, and missing a part of yourself that loved yourself all those years back. You sit and you write about it. You don't think too much because then you probably won't end up writing this either but you simply vent. This is in the category of journal. Private thoughts that are now in a public domain and ceasing to be private hence. I never really questioned the reason I did this. Made a public journal, writing whatever I feel on it. I think I saw a musician do this on his website and I really loved the idea of putting yourself so vulnerably there that you are not afraid of criticism, or simply don't care for it right now. Whatever you do for money, or you do for validation is there for its favor. Not yours. But at the end it is you. So when you are tired you can very well sit and feel sorry for yourself. It is the easiest and believe it or not, you have a modicum of success in it. You can very successfully feel sorry for yourself, not do anything about it, and blame the circumstances. The circumstances are dire, no doubt, difficult for anyone to overcome. But do you want the sorrow be your life? Do you want to be known as the one who weeps or the one who writes about tears? When you're tired, don't go anywhere else, the doors close, people have their own problems to overcome to help you overcome yours. Marcus Aurilius said that one who can find respite within himself, does not need to find it outside. You tried. People can't wait for you to bloom. Bloom in your own time, let them stay back for you or catch up with you. Either way, find some strength to be your own. You are tired I know, stay tired for now, you've relaxed a lot.